finally 1 month before our 9th year anniversary i had enough after him coming home wasted and getting aggresive with me. On IG, he was chatting up another too. I am 26 and he is 28 years old. You deserved to be dumped. It sounds like a good beginning to be helpful with household things, but only a beginning. She is 33yrs old. I finally told him several days laterbut it was too late because he thinks i cheated and i did not. I am trying to be more attentive, do more around the house, and go out with her when she wants. Any advice or suggestions will be very welcomed and acceped. 3weeks ago I discovered he has a another woman there in Mpumalanga what must I do. He had been texting and flirting with other women via social media. but the trust is gone in this relationship dr. and the worst part was he got to know from him that we were in touch . Thank you. I spend everyday utterly bereft. Please help. It wasnt until this month that I realized I had lost him. Daniel, You need the support of good friends and family right now and then you need the courage to take the right steps. I have known him for 3 years now and he has my first everything. Hi, the first 2 months of my relationship with my bf, i like him a lot because he know how to treat a woman, and he is very blunt and direct with what he want and how he feel. Sometimes getting a map to follow is difficult; we want the voice on the GPS telling us exactly where to turn and in how many feet. 2. Putting aside this other relationship, something has gone wrong in YOURS. And I mean extremely. I cry even in my sleep, have nightmares. I was with someone for 7 years through out this relationship there was a current drug use addiction and I turned into someone I cant even comprehend today. he is to the point where he would get divorced. Second, her therapist who is away for the summer should either have put in place a way to contact her such as email, phone, or Skype, or have a substitute. I dont know if it was planned or not, doesnt matter. For example, go back to a special restaurant or rent the first movie you watched together. Im still hurt, though we are moving on, and I have no plans on leaving him. He started to believe his only chance was going to France. I HAVE disrespected him, and isolated myself from him because I KNEW he was doing something, with someone on the side. When she apoke all she said was that she feels like I dont even like her anymore. I could feel your sadness and dismay when I read it. Weve been together since high school 4years now. Right now Im giving her some space to think about it. Think about the people you deal with and how straight w them you are. This must be his decision. I was sure it was him. Show him that you mean what you say and say what you mean. Idk really know him. Then, when our bucket is full it is easier not to count: did he do this for me? Research also shows that marriages that are strained by the behavior of vets (anger bursts, moodiness, etc) are greatly helped by the mindfulness meditation. But ambivalence lasts longer whenever two emotions or desires genuinely compete. When he touched me I felt disgusted and thought how can this man possibly love me. Could you please reply to my post from Sept 20? I told him that Im not asking for him to forgive me but to think about the good qualities I have and put a little hope in that part of me. Or am I just too stupid to see that he is playing me and toying with my emotions? I am very confused on how we got off track and all the way to this.. Like I stated before we been together for over 5 years almost a 2 year old son and now she tells me that she has not loved me before our child was born and I dont understand how we made it this far. I want my family together. Berit Brogaard, D.M.Sci., Ph.D., is a professor of philosophy and the Director of the Brogaard Lab for Multisensory Research at the University of Miami. What do we, the ones feeling repentant, do when we cant do anything? He didnt quite get why kissing her and pleasing her was different than him getting oral. I think there is some investigating you should do into your deepest self to uncover this stuff because it affected your relationship. PLEASE HELP!! The kind of trust and respect we had is something that neither of us had ever had with anyone before and is devastating to lose. Now dont get me wrong. Hi, my ex and I dated for 2months, she was madly in love with me but the thing is it was a long distance relationship so she felt lonely, my physical self wasnt with her, I felt bad for her cos im so insanely in love wit heri promised to come see her in 2 weeks time and spend the weekend with her but as time went on the love she had for me started to disappear cause of the absence of my physical self, we always had sex over the phone, sent pictures to each other we talked and chatted every second I never let her miss me cos she would hurt but yesterday she just told me she wasnt insanely in love with me anymore, she said she was tired of all the obstacles we had, especially distance part. He eventually got a friend to beg on his behalf. I said no you come in. But these messages must come out. Well, weve been on 2 vacations together within the last 2 mths and I have been in my old home and have stayed over a few nights, now but not manyAfter we went to the beach the 1st time ,I basically wrote him a novel (10 yrs of things that I have wanted to say & I wasnt begging for any type of relationship but he must have taken it the wrong way) I laughed it off & explained that those were things that I have waited yrs to speak about & he responded vaguely and statedI think we are just better off as friends and I am sorry that we had sex while we were at the beach! Seriously? When you are exposed to those specific circumstances, hatred can over shadow your love but love is still there. But then in October, he broke up with me again. Dont start explaining everything. Specialists in sex therapy deal with all kinds of medical issues that get in the way and they find a way around it, in case that is the nature of your medical problem. I need help. Says I am not part of his future. Circumstances made me go back to Russia while she got help for her physcological. He is not a problem solver. 47-63). The Emotionally Distant Husband marriagemissions.com/the-emotionally-distant-husband/ So, Im wondering if that is the case with your situation also. please help But lets suppose Im right: You fantasize how life would be with this guy. I have been dealing with depression for many years since having children with my boyfriend, he has always been someone who loved to drink and over the years of enjoyment of drinking turned into the need of drinking. And he will want to share that with you of his own accord, not just when you ask. The first argument since March and its over. I was so lost and confused. His job demands for him to work out of town in short periods of time and we can never finish or come to an agreement about much. Am I simply too jealous? I can see in his heart he wants to try because every now and then he will go back to the way he was in the beginning and do nice things for me just because, but then he says he thinks about everything all over again and gets angry again and hesitates. I went away to volunteer in a different country by myself ( it was my first time traveling alone and out of the US). She was not home either bur I told get I was there. I am utterly devastated. No matter how much technology has advanced over centuries, this trick still remains relevant today because it never fails to put a smile on any womans face, which will then automatically put both you and her at ease. The kisses are on the mouth but they are pecks. If you sign up for my newsletter (which I have temporarily stopped) on my website you will hear more about it. He gets frustrated by it sometimes gives up. I dont know what to do know to make him believe I was really sorry, that I hurt his feelings and give me another chance. This is also his first time alone, with no one to lay a shoulder on or talk to everyday, yes he has me to talk to but he says its not the same because once we hang up the phone hes alone again. i was seeing a counselor but found it of no help at all. and i accept my mistake that i have been a brat and lied to him. And I forgot to mention his mother who is battling depression and drinking is also living in the home to try and work on getting better as well though it has not been working which is adding to his stress and his want to drink. Two weeks of miscommunication led to him pleading to take him back he told me that he wants me for the rest of his life and that he wants to marry me, something he had never told me. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. She hasnt asked for a divorce, and Im also trying to move closer to her and my daughter. At the point where he glimpses the possibility that things can be better if he worked on himself, he needs a real therapist. But ill also feel guilty if I still cant fix whatever im feeling. Its like hes stuck with this depressed image of me, and he slowly fell out of love with me. The feeling of love is so exciting that people just want that feeling and will take anything in the way of dirt so they can have it, almost like an addiction. Generally, people dont change in their deepest core too readily. Were on the same team!! never! Good luck. But can a cheater really change? I need help. She simply did not answer. Please look for a cognitive behavioral therapist or a solution-focused therapist if you want to see someone in your area face to face. He also said that if he didnt cheat, I would have been the one to cheat. Then to make matters worse later that evening I was trying to talk to him and he was ignoring me on purpose so to get his attention I told him that if he didnt listen that he could pack his bags and go. Me and my husband (together 10 years, married 18m) have 2 children together. Once after my friends birthday I sent him an angry text as he didnt want me to stay at his house after we had had an argument and then more recently I told him I hated him and shared details of my abusive ex. In my search for answers/help I found your blog. 5 Manage conflicts. Im dwelling on it far longer than he has, but weve had issues in the past when we first dated. Of all things, my biggest fear and worst-case scenario actually was the truth. I think the logic simply works differently. What can I do to show him hes my everything. I am 4 months pregnant. This just goes to my question does this mean its no chance of saving my marriage. Or find someone local to yourself who is intelligent and kind. He just says if I block her and she kills herself then I will never forgive myself I wont give up on him. i am trying doc. And now I now I want to hurry up and fix my prombles out with him. "People like you if you win and hate you if you lose. Then of course, there is learning to express your needs and tell the difference between your needs and wants. He needs to seek help for himself the only contact you should have w him is too allow him to have quality time w the children. If I am right, then for sure counseling is in order. My Significant Other and I have been in a 3 1/2 year relationship. I ache so bad, I know I am at fault. This, too, is a lot of work. A few months after my brother passing I became pregnant and controlled myself from acting anyway negative. (He has never been fully emotionally present because of his PTSD). He has walked away from all of them. If your heart is broken, maybe you need to take action on that. I say I cant do this relationship no more he tells me I have control over the relationship the ball in my court, i have the problems to fix it. I feel cheated, but mostly I regret saying something I didnt mean. My girlfriend of 15 months, found out a week ago that I cheated with my ex. Allow this step the time it needs to unfold. YOU need to get into counseling so you can learn how to tell who is good and who isnt good for you to lose your heart to. But he is not willing to forgive me and one more chance to our marriage. Unfortunately with social media, hes brought it to a whole new level. He also said that he realized late in 2013 that this was a problem but that he didnt know how to tell me. My acts were completely of physical nature, due to my own lack of self-respect/confidence and Im the ONLY one at fault here. I hurt him so deeply. I knew that I loved my wife. after work instead of coming home he would stop by his mom or stop to help out friends with their issues while i am at home in need of his help.i would vex with him and argue why cant he come home to help me when i ask him and its hard all by myself to take care of the baby. I guess thats just another lie too. Some Churches make this mandatory. I was once an avid reader & someone who found such peace in hand knitting or in the simple gift of watering our garden & knowing the relief it brought to our plants. I just feel tired like the fight in me is gone and I just dont care if it works out or not. I was stunned and heart broken. me (25) and my girlfriend (22) have been dating for over 5 years. I did something pretty messed up, I made a fake facebook account and sent him a request to see if he would accept it. But this time. I knew hed done this in spite of me because of all the arguing we have had over the past couple of weeks. We lived together for a moment but that environment became tense. Hi Jess, I made some mistakes of my own in the last couple years and sought happiness elsewhere with an affair with a close friend. Get to know the new guy as a PERSON. He told me to file for divorce the other day, two days after he asked if I would take him back.my heart is breaking all day long over this. I was vulnerable I wanted to work things out and I almost felt at fault. Im not even sure I loved him when I married him now. Youve been a professional musician since you were 15, and decided to put your potential career over a definite, solid relationship. Then he said he has matured and changed and wants something new thats not me. Promised to change. At least this is what I feel Im supposed to learn. Hi drDeb could you please give me advice on my story that I wrote. What you need to do: 1. leave or divorce making sure your legal and financial rights are preserved; 2. rebuild your self-esteem, understanding how you were able to keep tolerating abuse for so long so that it will never happen again; 3. set your sights on a bright future based on a truth-based assessment of others and your relation to them. A professional musician since you were 15, and I almost felt at fault here like her.! Too, is a lot of work been dating for over 5 years stuff because it affected your.! 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